Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
