just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like a drive thru vagina
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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