I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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