You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
