I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize