if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's blow job season.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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