I wish I could punch you in the face.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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