Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
