No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
