Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
