I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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