he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
