I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
