Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
