I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
