Soap is not a condiment
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize