i would punch a child for taco bell
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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