by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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