does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
