My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Randomize
