i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
