I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
