Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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