she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
