Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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