just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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