Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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