Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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