bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
