I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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