just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
