dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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