I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
