It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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