just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize