it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So squirting runs in the family.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
