Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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