The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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