dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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