She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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