1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
