Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize