i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
