my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
