Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
