Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
