I CAN MOONWALK!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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