dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
