So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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