I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
