youre lurking in front of me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
