New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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