why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
