i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
