Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
