Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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