she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
