i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
