I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
