I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
