batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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