the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
