p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
