Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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