He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think your dad took our porno
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
