You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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