It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
