took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
