covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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