Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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