I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
